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The Infamous Drunk Text- How to manage the morning after

Photo Credit- j/k_LOLZ

It's 8 am and the sun is dancing through your blinds as you open your eyes and lie in utter confusion for a few seconds. Then the pain sets in, that familiar ringing pain in your head followed by the only thought that can fit into this moment. What the hell happened last night?

It's inevitable, it sucks, but you my friend, have a hangover.

As you stumble dizzily into your kitchen to grab water and excedrine migraine, a blinking light catches your eye. Then it hits you, the oh shit moment. Your Phone...

As if you didn't have enough to worry about with your throbbing temples and inability to perform even the most mundane tasks, you now have another worry. What did I say and who did I say it too?

Enter, The infamous drunk text.

You peak at the phone to see the damage, 6 new messages, shit. Slowly you go to your inbox, but you DONT open them, you just don't have it in you right now. Your just seeing who the parties involved were.

Lets see, the girl/guy you met at the bar, ok nice.

Your brother, sweet this is looking ok so far.

The hot girl or guy from high school who your more of an acquaintance then a friend with, dammit.

The borderline girl/guy you hooked up with a few months back and haven't called, yikes

And.... Oh god really? The dreaded Ex drunk text. Why me?

No greater sin can find its way into your drunken thumb dance than the ex drunk text. You cant bring yourself to read the damage of the past evening so you head to bed for a few more hours of recovery. An hour later, after coming to grips with the fact that it is impossible to sleep without first reading the texts, you give in and face the music.

Your mind is running wild. You wonder what names you called their new significant other, if it got ugly, what they responded with. You pray that your didn't say anything to compromise yourself and decide that if I love you is anywhere in the message that you now must come up with a story about how your phone got stolen and someone was randomly texting them and how you really need to sell this impossible story to them.


You open the messages which for some reason take what seems like 39 minutes to load. The damage reads as follows.

The girl at the bar says hey you :), decent start.

Your brother says, haha nice you wasted? He knows you too well.

The Girl/guy from HS says who is this. Whoops, you never tell them it's you.

The borderline hookup says, Who is this? Awesome, crises averted! You never tell them its you until the next time you drunk text them.

And the EX? They say simply Hey. Just hey. whewwwwwwww, I passed out before shit got weird.

You my friend were saved by mere minutes. 10 more minutes of consciousness and it could have been BAD.

What is the underlying message here? When drinking, please, by all means text responsibly. No one likes getting 5 am Sext messages from a sloppy drinker, and anyone who does might not be a good prospect.

As a notorious drunk Texter you may consider a text ignition lock. If you can't blow under the legal limit your text package shuts down. Can you imagine the pain and agony this might save you in the morning?

Stay thirsty my friends!



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